10 Reasons to Skip "Blue", 5 to Watch It

Blue, directed Anthony d'Souza

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Sanjay Dutt, Zayed Khan, Rahul Dev and Lara Dutta with Katrina Kaif and Australian pop superstar Kylie Minogue in special appearances

Genre: Underwater action thriller (supposedly)

My rating: 5/10.

Aarav (Kumar) and Sagar (Sanjay Dutt) are 2 friends living in the Bahamas. With help from Sagar's brother Sam (Khan) and girlfriend Mona (Dutta) they go underwater to find some buried treasure in order to pay off a don (Dev). 

Top 10 Reasons to Skip Blue

1. It is horribly written. The dialogues alone are just atrocious and the film's situations are hardly believable even within the film's larger-than-life context.

2. There are only a few scenes underwater which is very disappointing, considering the underwater angle is probably what is selling the tickets. And Lara Dutta's cleavage, of course. 

3. I'm embarrassed that Kylie Minogue had to act in a scene so shamelessly stolen from Hitch (the part where Hitch hits on a girl by telling her his drink order). It's offensive because I'm sure she' s seen Hitch and I wonder what she thought of doing that scene. 

4. No one in the cast can act. A normally solid actor like Akshay Kumar seems just awful in a "why did we ever think he was cool?" sort of way. 

5. Katrina Kaif. I love her but she looks terrible with her lip ring and dreadlocks. It takes a lot for Katrina Kaif to look bad (she's so gorgeous normally) so when it does happen, like in this movie, it's jarring. And her character only has 10 minutes of screen time in the first half. Luckily, her part is so insignificant that she remains unhurt by any of this. SPOILER ALERT: She comes back in the end (and looks better, thank God). 

6. There are two (TWO!) motorbike chase sequences and both of them are unnecessary. The second one is like 20 minutes long. I went to the bathroom during it and guess what was still going on when I came back? 

7. The main hit song is called "Chiggy Wiggy". That's a deal-breaker, ladies!

8. The climax and post-climax are unraveled in a rushed way, leaving no time to breathe and process the twists. Normally, this is a good thing. But in this film, I got the feeling that the director rushed the events in an attempt to hide the plot holes and silliness. 

9. In the beginning, Sanjay Dutt and Akshay Kumar are worried that a shark got into their fishnet and will eat the fish. Then the wind blows Sanjay Dutt's hat into the water. They both decide to jump in the water, fight the shark away from the fish and get the hat. They succeed. Yeah, this is that kind of movie. 

10. Did I mention that Lara Dutta is the main female lead? She doesn't do anything to help anyone even though Mona could have been a capable character. For instance, in the climax, she calls the Coast Guard and says "May Day, May Day! Come in Coast Guard... humein madhat ki zaroorat hai!" (as if the Coast Guard knows Hindi). They tell her that there is a hurricane coming. So instead of steering the ship to safety (she is shown driving the boat earlier) she runs to tell the guys. I was like LARA DO SOMETHING! 

It's funny because when Lara Dutta and Priyanka Chopra both debuted in Andaaz back in 2003, I guessed that Lara Dutta would become the better actress. 6 years later, I love and worship Priyanka and the sight of Lara Dutta on a poster makes me roll my eyes! 

Okay, now the Top 5 Reasons to Watch Blue

1. The music. A.R. Rahman's wonderful and eclectic score doesn't exactly get the treatment I would have given it. But, considering action thrillers don't exactly require songs, I was happy with what I was given. "Rehnuma" is the best song and it is used very effectively in the opening credits showing some beautiful underwater life. Same goes for the "Blue Theme" which shows the 4 leads swimming with the fish. "Chiggy Wiggy" is just awful but none of the blame should go to Kylie Minogue who is awesome. 

2. The few underwater scenes are expertly done. They are, in fact, the highlight of the movie (especially "Blue Theme" and "Rehnuma".)

3. It's short (1 hour, 55 minutes) so watching it isn't exactly a waste of time. 

4. If you like Lara Dutta only for her looks and her body (it's okay, you're not alone... she's so popular only for those reasons) then see this movie. As much as I hate her, she looks beautiful in a "I'm a tramp who's still monogamous so it's okay that I prance around in almost nothing" sort of way. 

5. Zayed Khan's awkward post-"Chiggy Wiggy" singing. He's walking out of the club and he's humming the song. It's just so awkward and hilarious, which is Zayed Khan's trademark really. God, that guy is the freakin' mayor of Awk-town!

So basically I am neither encouraging you to see Blue nor am I discouraging you. Again, I rate it 5/10.