Generally, when I sit down to watch a film, Hindi or otherwise, I expect it to be a little illogical. That's because I think directors have to manipulate reality a little in order for their plot to work. I mean, they're writing a script, they're creating a world--they can make up the rules. But sometimes in a movie, again Hindi or otherwise, the absence of logic is far more than just some logistical problems. Sometimes a movie is just a bunch of random sequences that make sense when it comes to the plot--but that don't make sense when it comes to how the world works.
And I'm not talking just about conincidental meetings of characters. No, no, this is when a director manipulates reality so much that the film seems to not take place in a world imitating our own, but in a world purely concocted by the director. But wants to be seen as imitating our world.
So, welcome to the world of Chandni Chowk to China or CC2C, the third directorial venture of Nikhil Adwani who struck gold in the glorious Kal Ho Naa Ho and the tribute to Bollywood Salaam-e-Ishq. Starring Akshay Kumar, Deepika Padukone, Ranvir Shorey, Mithun Chakraborthy, Roger Yuan and Gordon Liu, the movie has stellar music by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy, Bappi Lahiri and Kailash Kher.
Sidhu (Kumar) is a street-chef in Chandni Chowk who dreams of becoming bigger than he is. His Dada (Chakraborthy) provides him with mundane advice and a kick to the butt that sends him flying across the city. Chopstick (Shorey) tries to tell him he's the reincarnate of an ancient Chinese warrior Liu Sheng. This fact is confirmed when he finds the face of Ganesha in a potato. Some Chinese men come to find Sidhu when they need him to kill their tyrannical boss Hojo (Liu) or something. Chopstick leaves that fact out during translation and Sidhu goes to China thinking he'll be treated like a rock-star. On the way he meets Sakhi (Padukone 1), a spokesmodel for new technological toys who is searching for her long lost twin sister Suzy (Padukone 2) who is a henchwoman for Hojo. Suzy goes by the name Meow-Meow. Also thrown ino the mix is the twins' father (Yuan) who was supposedly killed by Hojo. Can Sidhu eventually vanquish Hojo? Will Sakhi find her family? Going into this movie, we know that the answers to both those questions is YES. Action-comedies, Hindi or otherwise, generally don't have sad endings though I did find myself rooting for Hojo to kill Sidhu so that I didn't have to myself. Okay, we know the ending but someone said that cinema isn't about the ending but the process through which the characters get to the ending. Unfortunately, this middle of this movie is a process. I mean it takes forever for people to realize that Suzy and Sakhi are two different girls, for Sakhi to find her father and for her father to train Sidhu. Although there is a nicely edited scene where the twins and their father keep missing each other and it is quite funny to see the police going after the wrong twin, Akshay calling Meow-Meow a crook (earlier Sakhi stole his place in line for a Chinese visa or something). The fact that Suzy and Sakhi have two different hair, clothing and makeup styles is lost on everyone else. Twin comedy is usually pretty funny. There are two funny scenes and this is one of them.
The other happens not too much later. In the village that Sidhu is supposed to save, they just have had a drunken celebration. So he goes to sleep and finds Sakhi in his bed. Still mad at her after the visa incident, he locks her in a closet. In comes Suzy, ready to seduce and kill Sidhu Poison Ivy style (plastic lips covered in poison). She dances to some seductive Bollywood hits ("Hothon mein aisi baat," "Zara zara, touch me" among others). He calls Chopstick and Chopstick falls in love with Suzy and the song switches to "Churaake dil mera, goriya chali" which happens to be one of my favorite Akshay Kumar hits. In a strong bout of meta-fiction, Kumar says "this is my hit!" and proceeds to dance to it. It's inspired, self-referential and the kind of comedy at which Adwani excels. Why he felt he had to do a kung fu action comedy I'll never know.
Other than those two sequences, the comedy falls flat. And this largely due to the horrendously bad performance by Akshay Kumar. He usually is a comedic genius but in CC2C he just misses the mark. He overdoes everything! It's as if he is pathetically trying to win our affections by jumping up and down and yelling, "Look at me! I'm funny!" And he does this banshee-style wailing where his voice cracks and it goes on for fifteen seconds. This is his catchphrase and it makes me want to find the closest noose. Ranvir Shorey, another good comedic actor, is reduced to a tired "angel/devil over my shoulder" gimmick and racist costume. He isn't given any good material and his characterization is under-written.
Mithun Chakraborthy, when not giving mundane advice, is shown kicking Sidhu on the butt and sending him clear across Delhi. And then shows up where Sidhu lands. What?!
The Chinese actors are really just caricatures. Roger Yuan plays Hojo as a parody of Oddjob from Goldfinger. Gordon Liu is your typical kung fu master/teacher.
Deepika Padukone is surprisingly good as the Suzy and Sakhi. She plays both of them very differently. Suzy is cold, exacting, unfeeling. Sakhi is sweet, charming, and beautiful. Nikhil Adwani gives Deepika some good material to flex her comedic musicle.
The music is highly enjoyable on CD but here the songs just slow down the proceedings. The songs all have unoriginal, standard videos. The most fun one is the title song. "Tere Naina" is the best song but the presposterous setup undermines its beauty. Not SEL's best work.
This movie is a complete waste of time, talent and Teepika...Deepika. Nikhil Adwani--please stick to family dramedies! Chandni Chowk to China rates a 3/10. 
