Dost-sauna

I saw Dostana on a cold, rainy Thursday afternoon in December. As some of you know, the resident Indian movie theater is the ImaginAsian. This little refuge of mine is all the way across town but not far enough to justify taking a taxi. There is no direct subway route either, so walk I must. All of the horrid walking conditions were easily forgotten within the first few minutes of Dostana.

You see, the opening song is "Shut Up and Bounce" starring a Miss Shilpa Shetty. She is always a delight and she definitely sets the screen on fire. But she is not the hottest thing the song has to offer. Oh, no, SUAB is an ode to the gloriousness that is John Abraham. Dostana pretty much made the ImaginAsian a sauna during its first two minutes and keeps the momentum going.

Starring John Abraham, Abhishek Bachchan and Priyanka Chopra, and with guest appearances by Boman Irani, Kirron Kher and Bobby Deol, Dostana is a rather racy comedy directed by Tarun Mansukhani With hit-and-miss music by Vishal & Shekhar, the movie has lyrics by Vishal himself, Anvita Dutt Guptan and Kumaar.

Kunal (Abraham) and Sam (Bachchan) are two bachelors living the easy life in Miami, meaning meaningless one-night-stands and mooching off friends for a place to live. When they're both evicted from their respective accomodations, they come to look at the same apartment. Except the landlady (Sushmita Mukherjee) says it's off-limits to them. Her niece lives there and she doesn't want her niece living with two men. So, they decide to pretend to be a gay couple, figuring who cares what the landlady and her niece think? Well, the niece turns out to be Neha (Chopra) and both guys start crushing on her while also keeping up the facade. The three become inseparable friends. But when Neha starts dating her boss Abhimanyu (Deol), Sam and Kunal try to wreck that relationship while also trying to woo Neha.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you one of the funniest movies of 2008. The situations in which these characters find themselves are ridiculous but not in an unbelievable way. The film is a lot of fun. Everyone looks like they're having the time of their life. Not only that, but the film is big on heart. That Neha, Kunal and Sam are best friends forever is totally understandable. The lead trio have a sizzling chemistry both in the fun scenes and in the dramatic ones. I got a little jealous of them. I would have loved to insert myself in Abhishek's place. Living with John and Priyanka? Whoa. I don't know what I would do with myself.

Abhishek Bachchan gives a career-redeeming performance. He is funny and surprisingly good in the dramatic scenes. After a lacklustre 2007 and 2008, Bachchan closes out the year delightfully. A lesser actor would have been overshadowed by Abhishek but John Abraham holds his own. He has an electric chemistry with both his co-stars. One of my favorite scenes in the film belongs to the two of them. The Kuch Kuch Hota Hai scene is very romantic.

Priyanka Chopra shows us once again why she is the coolest of the cool. She's beautiful, funny and just a great performer. Bobby Deol is surprisingly good in this film. At first I wondered why he was chosen but his character could not have played without the breezy charm of Bobby Deol.

The three older actors do well also. Sushmita Mukherjee is excellent as the eccentril Aunty. Boman Irani gives the caricature of the flaming queen some heart. But Kirron Kher gives a showstopping, downright hilarious turn in this film. She gives the film its must-see status.

The music of this film is okay but onscreen they look great. "Ma Da Laadla" is superbly funny and gives Kirron Kher the material she deserves. "Shut Up and Bounce" is sexy until Abhishek ruins it. "Jaane Kyun" shows the bonding process of the 3 friends very well. "Khabar Nahin" and "Kuch Kum" are well-done montages of love and sadness, respectively. But my favorite video is "Desi Girl" which is a well-choreographed dance video. Priyanka looks stunning in her sari.

Dostana is one of the hottest movies in the winter season and not just because of the glorious John and the marvelous Priyanka. This movie is a must-see comedy with good intentions. The title means "friendship" and I guess underneath all the homoerotic comedy, this movie is really about the importance of having good friends in your life. Dostana rates a 9/10.

Badhan mein sunti hoon main aahatein teri...

Watching the most beautiful woman in the world lip-synching to the most beautiful song in the world while also playing the most beautiful instrument in the world is a very over-whelming experience. Yes, if Yuvvraaj does nothing else for you, it will heighten your appreciation of Katrina Kaif, "Tu Muskura" and the cello. The three of these together is pretty much the highlight of Subhash Ghai's return to his old formula. Unfortunately, having watched this film, I came to the conclusion that you cannot go home again.

Not to say that this film is entirely horrible. But I had more fun nitpicking the flaws with the other Bollywood-addict in my family than actually watching the film. Starring Salman Khan, Anil Kapoor, Katrina Kaif, Zayed Khan, Aushima Sawhney and Boman Irani, this picture has brilliant music by maestro A.R. Rahman (see the review entitled "Suddenly, Last October") and lyrics by Gulzar.

Deven Yuvvraaj (Salman Khan) is an aspiring singer in Prague/Vienna (the characters say both) and he is in love with Anushka (Kaif), the lead cellist in their orchestra. He is rather poor and boorish, much to the chagrin of Anushka's father (Irani), who wants to marry her off to one of his friend's son. Deven makes a deal--if he becomes a billionaire in 40 days, he will marry Anushka. If he fails, he will step aside. You see, Deven's father kicked him out twelve years ago for fighting with his autistic older half-brother Gyanesh (Kapoor). Now that Mr. Yuvraaj has kicked the bucket, Deven thinks now is the time to return home and claim his part of the fortune. Their father has left all of his money to Gyanesh and this upsets Deven, the third brother, Danny (Zayed Khan), and their extended family who all want it all for themselves. Deven and Danny both try to convince Gyanesh, who is discovered to be a very talented singer by Anushka, to give them their share of the wealth. How Danny and Deven try do that and how this broken family becomes reunited forms this tale of family, love, money and music.

The main flaw of this film is that it doesn't realize that the plot about the brothers reuniting through music is far more appealing than the competition to get Gyanesh's inheritance. The reunion plot is actually treated as a subplot to the inheritance drama. Sure, the inheritance drama leads to the reunion of the brothers but clearly Ghai didn't see that we could care less about the evil extended family who wants everything for themselves. Oh, yes, there is a mamaji, a mamiji, a cousin and a daughter-in-law who will stop at nothing to make sure that the Yuvvraaj brothers get none of the family money (including attempted murder!). The story of a family coming together is timeless, but having an evil extended family makes this film look dated. This is the tragic flaw.


If you're able to see the diamond in the rough, however, the movie can be very enjoyable. Whenever the scenes take place out of London, it is smiles times. There are some fine moments between Katrina and Anil. It was refreshing to see some chemistry between them especially since their last movie together had them as opponents (Race). Also, Aushima Sawhney, playing lyricist Nandita, is a pleasant surprise. She is the film's narrator and she handles that part well. She has but one scene to herself on camera (with Anil Kapoor) and it is well-played. The second half is full of such sweet moments between the Khans, Mr. Kapoor and Ms. Kaif and this is where Yuvvraaj strikes gold. To make this the grand musical epic he wanted, Subhash Ghai should have given us more of these moments and less of the subplot I described in the above paragraph.

Anil Kapoor is basically a living legend. I don't want to repeat myself but he is one of the best actors of my generations. And his portrayal of autism is less of a caricature than Hrithik Roshan's (don't get me wrong, I love me some HR but Koi... Mil Gaya was insulting). There is, however, a major flaw in Gyanesh's diagnosis. He is said to have "genius disorder" which means that he is extremely and exceptionally talented in music (it could be other forms of the fine arts) and that is due to his autism. Ghai had the right idea; such a phenomena does exist but the term for it is not "genius disorder." According to the article, they haven't found the associated gene yet, which is probably why it hasn't exactly been proved as fact or named. Despite the lack of cold hard facts, I am a strong believer in this phenomena because I have seen so many examples of it.

Ever since I was born, Salman Khan has been a movie star in the truest definition of the term. He has a large, loyal fan following that follow him through thick and thin, through good and bad. Starting from MPK in 1989, he has been entertaining us and charming us with a consistent string of hits that are also quality films. As a loyal devotee of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, it took some major pride-swallowing to admit this but those are the facts. No one else in Bollywood has the star power that he has and I respect him a great deal. In this movie, he may not have given the best performance but he is entertaining and I could see no one else in the part. He has stellar chemistry with the entire cast and he is not afraid of his age. Sure, there were some clothing and hair mishaps, but at least no sarong! (Ek garam chai ki pyaali ho...) With this movie (and a Planet Bollywood article posted on my sister's Facebook profile) I truly realized that our dear Sallu is an icon.


Katrina Kaif, in her first drama, will win no awards for her performance in this film. But, she is getting to be more comfortable with the camera. Also, I'd just like to point out that making fun of her Hindi has now just become old news. They made a joke about it here so now she knows her Hindi is bad. That joke has died. FIND SOMETHING NEW, I DARE YOU. Well, anyway, she looks like a professional at the cello. I'm not exactly sure if she's really playng but she did take lessons for the movie and it shows. Kudos!

Unfortunately, Zayed Khan failed again at acting this time around. Everything he does is so forced and his intonation is just off. But every cloud has its silver lining. Luckily for us, Zayed Khan is good eye candy. If only we could mute just his lines and just watch him and his costumes. Also, did he learn how to stare from Robert Pattinson?

BOMAN IRANI IS KING OF THE UNIVERSE. Enough said.

Now I'm going to discuss the Bhabi character (the brothers' mama's son's wife).

Now, in Bollywood, there are two types of sluts. One, as you know, are those women who appear in trashy item songs in B-grade movies. All of these Item Girls are trashy unless they're a legit actress making a fun cameo because only real actresses can pull of item songs.

The other type of slut is a lot less discussed because she is oft-disguised. The Bhabi character (whose character name and real name I cannot remember) belongs to the Society of Sluts in Saris (or SSS). These are women who wear tight saris with low-cut blouses. They speak in shuddh Hindi and are very respectful. The elders of the family to which they belong love them for that exact reason and are blind to their real ways. What makes them a part of the SSS? Ralph Fiennes may be the constant gardener but the SSS is the constant seducer. They're always looking to bed the hot younger brother for their own personal gain and no one seems to notice! This drives me so insane!

Though all the songs are superb, the one that stands out is the aforementioned "Tu Muskura." Sensual, melodious, this song has a pretty cute video and at 2:50 is my favorite part. Unfortunately, the song is cut in half but I've come to expect directors to do that with Rahman's best work. It's a common occurence! I'd like to point out that that in the "Tu Hi Toh Meri Dost Hai" video, Katrina looks absolutely heavenly at 3:58-4:12. Sorry about the bad quality of the link.

All in all, Yuvvraaj is a good film but you have to dig through all the mud to get to it. There are definitely some major plus points but can they outweigh the negatives? In my opinion, the positives always kick the negatives all the way to Hoth. This movie is worth a watch. Yuvvraaj rates a 6.5/10.

Romance, Rejection, Redemption

Siddarth Anand is the talented director who gave us the modern classic Salaam Namaste and the ultimate feel-good movie Ta Ra Rum Pum. He returns with Bachna Ae Haseeno, a rare Bollywood film that knows when to laugh at itself and when to take itself seriously. BAH is a story of a man and the three loves in his life. I thought this would be an exercise in macho pride where the hero balances three girlfriends at once (a version of Garam Masala with actual actresses). In reality, this picture is about the lessons a boy-turned-man learns upon reflecting on the mistakes he made in the past.

Starring Ranbir Kapoor, Minissha Lamba, Bipasha Basu, Deepika Padukone and Kunal Kapoor, BAH has hit-and-miss music by Vishal and Shekhar and lyrics by Anvita Dutt Guptan.

1996: Raj Sharma (Ranbir Kapoor) is a happy-go-lucky teenager vacationing with his three buddies in Europe. He meets Mahi (Lamba), a naive girl who is obsessed with falling in love DDLJ-style (which had released the year before). Raj lies to his friends about what he did with Mahi, breaking her heart...

2002: Raj is living with his girlfriend Radhika (Basu). He thinks he's living a committment-free world where marriage is a non-issue. When he's offered a job in Sydney, Radhika decideds to sacrifice her acting goals, marry him and join him in Sydney. Afraid to man up and break up with her himself, he first tries to force her to break up with him. When that fails, he boards a plane to Sydney on the day of his court-wedding...

2007: Raj is living in Sydney, living a very glamorous life of one-night-stands with gorgeous girls and a well-paying job to support it. He meets Gayatri (Padukone), a taxi driver/grocer who is independent and the only girl not to dream of husband and home. She challenges him and they fall in love. When he proposes marriage, she rejects him...

Having realized that Gayatri treated him the way he treated Mahi and Radhika, he decides to ask their forgiveness...

Bachna Ae Haseeno is actually a misleading title. The title would fit the movie I thought this would have been. But when I thought about it, what other title would have fit? And, with a different title, they wouldn't have been able to use that famed trumpet melody as a leitmotif for the immature Raj. Speaking of leitmotifs, I liked how they used "Khudha Jaane" for the mature Raj since Gayatri led him there and that is her song.

The film is episodic in nature and yet it is not irritating because life, if you think about it, is episodic. As you move from one stage to another, you leave certain people behind. The maturation of Raj Sharma is full of humor, tragedy, romance and insight. It's urbane and goofy but it's not short of warmth and sophistication.

There's something very appealing about Mr. Ranbir Kapoor. He's not hot enough to be a sex symbol but he's not silly enough to be goofball. He's very...ordinary yet that's part of his appeal. He's relatable and that's good because not all of us are blessed with the looks and charisma of a Cullen. Ranbir Kapoor is the soul of this film, it seems to have been written for him. He's hilarious, he has excellent chemistry with his heroines and supporting characters. This is a star-making performance.

Minissha Lamba is the only one who is given good material in both halves. The first half of her story plays as a tribute to DDLJ with clever parodies of those classic scenes. For instance, instead of stealing a red dress, Raj and Mahi taste a bunch of chocolate at a candy shop and then leave, "dissatisfied." Very good. Ms. Lamba plays the innocent Mahi extremely naturally but her transformation in the second half deserves the most praise.

Bipasha Basu is underused in the first half, but she shines in the second half. In the first half, she just provides the lines to which Ranbir can react funnily. In the second half, however, as the bratty superstar Shreya (she changes her name from Radhika to Shreya), Bipasha is very funny and believable. A good part!

Someone should put Deepika Padukone in jail...for scene-stealing, that is! Deepika takes a very well-written character and runs away with it. She is very funny especially in the "what?" sequence and the climax in the cab. She's in the picture for all of 45 minutes, maybe 50, but she leaves an impact. After all, she is the most important character! I'd say the only flaw of her performance is that she says her lines too fast but that can be perfected easily. Ms. Padukone delievers a great sophomore performance.

I didn't even know Kunal Kapoor was in this movie but I guess I shouldn't be surprised since he is the new Yash Raj poster boy (Laaga Chunari Mein Daag, Aaja Nachle). He is extremely good but I won't reveal his character. Seeing him on screen is always a delight because he's so charming and relatable and can deliever a good monlogue.

Musically, "Khuda Jaane" and "Aahista, Aahista" are the pick of the lot. They both have good videos, especially "Aahista, Aahista". That video is pretty much how I imagined it. "Lucky Boy," "Jogi Mahi," and "Small Town Girl" have fine videos, but they're not download-worthy unless you're an album-completist like I am. Thanks to it being overplayed on the Indian channel, I forwarded the "Bachna Ae Haseeno" remix but it's okay. Singer Shilpa Rao is a good voice for Deepsters.

Siddharth Anand strikes gold again. SN, TRRP and now BAH are all highly enjoyable pictures with good messages. This is a grand, glamorous and glossy movie with a powerful story to tell. Watching a redemption, in my opinion, is the most relatable cinematic event. It's the one human experience which we've all gone through. Bachna Ae Haseeno rates a 9/10.

Get Your "Fash" On!

Priyanka Chopra has been releasing a slew of movies that display none of her talent, save for her fighting skills (God Tussi Great Ho, Chamku, Love Story 2050, Drona). But, finally--finally!--we get to see the Piggy Chops we saw in Aitraaz and Aap Ki Khatir and Bluffmaster and Salaam-e-Ishq.

Fashion is directed by Madhur Bhandakar, best known for his gritty exposes on different parts of Indian life. Three of his most popular films also served as a vehicle for a certain actress: Chandni Bar for Tabu; Page 3 for Konkona Sensharma; and Corporate for Bipasha Basu. Corporate and Page 3 had the opposite effect: Page 3 turned an actress into a star and Corporate turned a star into an actress. Bhandarkar does the same favor he did for those girls for Priyanka Chopra. Supported by Kangana Ranaut, newcomer Mughda Godse, Arbaaz Khan, Samir Soni, Ashwin Mushran, Kitu Godwani and Arjan Bajwa, Chopra confidently leads this cast and the viewer is in a for a bumpy ride.

The story begins on Wall Street where Meghna Mathur toils daily. She lives on the Upper East Side where she is only a central park away from her favorite cousin, who lives on the Upper West Side...WAIT. Wrong Meghna Mathur...The Meghna Mathur in FashFash is played by Priyanka Chopra. This Meghna lives in Chandigarh and dreams of being a big model. Against her parents' wishes, she moves to Bombay and meets up with designer Rahul (Soni). He introduces her to Anisha Roy (Godwani) who scores her a contract with Panache, headed by Abhijeet Sarin (Khan). She starts dating Manav (Bajwa), a struggling model. As Meghna climbs the ladder of success, supermodel Shonali (Ranaut) is on the decline with an abusive boyfriend, a drug addiction and a bad reputation at fashion show rehearsals. Janet (Godse), another struggling model, marries Rohit (Mushran), who is a gay designer pressured to get married by his family. Theirs is a marriage of convenience. Slowly, Meghna's success gets to her head and she reaches to the top of modeling world. How Meghna slowly falls until she hits rock bottom and has to redeem herself forms this tale of greed, ambition, glory and, of course, the world of FASHION.

This movie brings together two of my many passions: Priyanka Chopra and high-end fashion. Ah, yes, nothing makes me happier than looking at outfits that are so ugly and unwearable yet ridiculously overpriced and overdesired. It makes me feel better about my own clothing choices (thanks Hennes & Mauritz!). I guess I never figured that India would have their own Oscar de la Renta or Donna Karan, though now that seems obvious. I can't help but wonder: does each designer or label have a counterpart in another country? I have to say that the clothes in the movie are abso fabulous. I liked Priyanka's second fashion show the best, the one with the Thai-styled Indian clothing.

The fashion of Fashion aside, this movie really belongs to Priyanka, though there are no surprises there. Bhandakar really knows how to exact a strong performance from his lead. The reason why his films work is that he makes character studies fooling themselves into thinking they're industry studies. I'll be a little more clear: Fashion thinks it's an expose on the world of fashion, and to an extent it is, but in reality we are seeing the world of fashion as experienced by Meghna Mathur. It's more how she deals with the obstacles and victories than how it deals with her.

I wrote a poem describing my thoughts on Priyanka's performance. "Nindiyaan se jaagi Priyanka/Aisa acting dekha pehli baar (in 2008)." Yes, 2008 has not been a great year for Piggy Chops and that's okay...every great actress has that period where she is underused (or whole careers in Raima Sen's case). But the important thing is, like every great actress, she bounced back with a thunderous, full-bodied performance. Ms. Chopra gloriously embodies Meghna Mathur and just everything about her performance is stellar. As God as my witness (lol Scarlett O'Hara), I promise you Priyanka will be not ignored come awards season.

The other performances are not so stellar. Samir Soni is a riot as a stereotypically gay designer/confidant. "Spare me the horror" is his catchphrase which is hilarious! Mughda Godse is indeed God se since she gives the best performance of the supporting cast. Hers and Ashwin Mushran's subplot gives some heart to the proceedings. He also gives a natural performance. Kitu Godwani and Arjan Baswa are fine. Baswa shines in the breakup scene and Godwani gets points for being named Anisha. Arbaaz Khan is strictly okay. Was that Kashmira Shah playing his wife? Kashmira Shah...man, oh, man.

This brings me to Kangana Ranaut. Her career is filled with strong performances of women who are really falooda'd up: Gangster, Woh Lamhe, Life in a... Metro, Shakalaka Boom Boom). And she is a good actress. But her dialogue delivery negates everything good about the physicality of her acting. If she could just play a mute, everything would be good. Her body language is stellar but the language coming out of her mouth is not.

The music fits the fashion theme, with beats that suit the runway. You don't really take the songs home with you, though. But that's been true for all of Bhandakar's films. Except for "O Sikandhar" from Corporate. That was a fantastic qawaali...

Also, the writer is stalking our family (there was a Meghna, an Anisha, a Riya, my namesake, and Isaac Mizrahi's alter ego, Manish Malhotra did a cameo). Priyanka Chopra and the fashion of Fashion are the real stars. If you don't care about fashion, see it for Priyanka. If you don't care about Priyanka, see it for the fashion. If you don't care about either, see it anyway since it is an exceptionally well-made film. Fashion rates an 8.5/10.

PS - Konkona Sensharma and Ranvir Shorey have a surprisingly good cameo. Get those two in a movie RIGHT NOW.

And Boom Goes the Dynamite

I have unfinished reviews for the soundtracks of Dostana and Yuvvraaj and I will get those done but this is more pressing. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi is SRK's new film, directed by the man who made the classic DDLJ and the only slightly inferior Mohabbatein, Aditya Chopra. Yes, AdiChops is bringing us a third directorial venture no less than eight years later. I was excited for it. I'm not SRK's biggest fan but I do like him in his element and not as a firefighter/construction worker. The female lead was supposed to be the lovely Sonam Kapoor but she was replaced by newcomer Anushka Sharma, who is now celebrating her graduation from middle school. Just kidding but she is younger than I am. Music is by Salim-Sulaiman by whom the Chopras swear but I don't know why. Their music is average and must be lifted by the visuals or choreographer Vaibhavi Merchant (by whom I swear). The lyrics are by Jaideep Sahni.

The first track is "Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai" and the title itself is boring. I guess I can be found guilty of referring to celebrities as heavenly beings. But this unbearable song is one of those love songs where the guy lathers praise on the girl and assigns her to be his everything (no pressure). S-S give this song standard dholak/flute music. Roop Kumar Rathod sounds listless. What bothers me is that Mahalakshmi Iyer does some background vocals and she's not even credited! Not a good opening. 5/10.

The next song is perhaps the most interesting of them all. "Haule Haule" features Sukhwinder Singh singing about how slowly he's falling in love. To say that this is the best of RNBDJ isn't saying much. Yet again we have a male solo dedicated to praising Ms. Sharma. What of her perspective? S-S provide music that's at least of this decade, the lyrics are semi-fresh but Singh's rendition did what Rathod should have done in the previous track--have emotion whilst singing. (It's not that hard Roop!) "Haule Haule" rates an 8/10.

Dearest readers, this next song is SO BAD that I would gladly listen to a disaster called "Oop Oop Cha" anytime than listen to "Dance Pe Chance". This Sunidhi Chauhan solo is so banal, I can't even comprehend the lyrics. Or the idea behind it. SRK finally plays his age so maybe the pubescent Anushka Sharma is trying to show him how to be hip with this clubby dance track from 2004. Also annoying is that Labh Janjua ("Pyaar Karke Pachtaaya" from Pyaar Ke Side/Effects) gets a singing credit. Is this a duet? No! He does background. "Dance Pe Chance" is the worst song of the year. 3/10. I love you, Sunidhi.

"Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte" is a Sonu Nigam solo and only he can stop you from hitting the skip! button. The lyrics of this song are literally a mishmash of lines from older songs. It's not a remix, just an original composition (still not from this year) with lyrics from such classics as "Badan Pe Sitaarein Lapete Hue" or "Dard-e-Dil, Dard-e-Jigar" or "Jai Jai Shiv Shankar". Just because it might be better on screen, I'll give this one a 5/10.

Shreya Goshal delivers a reprise of "Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai" and it is no more interesting than Roop Kumar Rathod's rendition. Finally, though, Anushka Sharma's character gets some song-acting to do. For that reason and for Shreya's earnest rendition, this two minute number gets a 5.5/10.

The last song on this album (did I age 3 years? No, it just felt like it) is an instrumental remix of all the songs. This one at least holds your attention. 5.5/10.

This album is a sorry comeback for as great a director as AdiChops. Maybe he's lost his touch or maybe his touch is just what this album needs. I'm sure we'll all be swept away by SRK's charm and the compelling love story RNBDJ will turn out to be. But at this point in my life, I'm just looking for some DDLJ mp3s. The album gets a 33/60. Best song: "Haule Haule" but download "Dance Pe Chance" also just for kicks.

PS - I couldn't even listen to songs while writing the review. Don't worry, I sat through it 2.5 times today.

Suddenly, Last October

Allah Rakkhha Rahman surely has some divine force in him to create such earth-shatteringly innovative musical pieces. And everytime he releases a new soundtrack you think, "Wow, he reached his limit and has no more to offer us. He has exhausted his given gift." I mean, his first score was Roja, way back in 1992. Sixteen years of creativitity has to take a toll on a man. I thought he reached that limit with his masterly Jodhaa Akbar, an iconic landmark in musical history, perfectly blending the musical stylings of the era while making them relatable to the 21st century. Yes, Rahman made Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na in between JA and now but that only only boasted of three songs which had traces of the Rahman of yore ("Kabhi Kabhi Aditi," "Jaane Tu Mera Kya Hai (Aditi)" and, of course, "Pappu Can't Dance").

Then suddenly, last October, the score for a little Indo-European musical opus called Yuvvraaj was released (onto CoolToad). This is a film directed by Subash Ghai and it promised to return him to his roots after 2.5 disasters. (The degree of Black & White's failure is debatable). Also, it boasted of a star cast that only Ghai could bring together: Anil Kapoor (aka me in 25 years), Salman Khan, Boman Irani, Zayed Khan and newcomerAushima Sawhney. Don't you worry, she's not the main female lead. Katrina Kaif, who plays a cellist named Anushka in the film, finally gets that big dramatic role that will take her from glamour girl to serious actress. The lyrics are by Gulzar, who delights us with his stunning poetry.

The album opener is called "Main Hoon Yuvvraaj." No, it's not a title song. It's a dialogue track with Sallu explaining his character, accompanied by Beethoven's Symphony No. 5. Salman is impressive enough and the choice of music fits well with this Western style musical. I'm not going to rate this track.

The first real song is called "Tu Hi Toh Meri Dost Hai" and it is spectacular. This simple love song is filled with complex melodies and inspiriing lyrics. Relative newcomer Benny Dayal starts off the song strongly but it is Shreya Goshal's entrance in the first verse that steals the show. In her second outing with Rahman ("Barso Re") Shreya knocks you out with her mesmerising vocals. Love it! 10/10.

The next song is "Shano, Shano" and it is unimpressive. Every Rahman score has that one song that just isn't up to par with the rest ("Mann Mohana," "Mere Dil Ka Woh Shehezaada," "Jhoombalika, Jhoombalika") and this is that song. The lyrics are just plain out dumb--no offense, Gulzar! Rahman's tradition of using new singers and veterans is upheld here. "Shano, Shano" is sung by Sonu Nigam, Srinivas, Karthik, Timmy, Sunaida, Vivienne Pocha and Tina of which I only know the first three. Rahman uses some interesting arrangements for this dance track but it has the misfortune of being sandwiched between two stellar tracks. 6/10.

Katrina Kaif is hands down the most beautiful woman in Bollywood (sorry, Amrita Singh) and there is just something enchanting about the image of her playing the cello. Actually, there's a funny story as to why I think this. Rahman himself in an interview with IndiaFM said, "The sight of a beautiful girl playing an instrument like the cello seems like an overwhelming visual. It's really nice." Having read this, I looked at all the Yuvvraaj pictures with Katrina at the cello and became obsessed with the image. If this movie is as spectacular as it promises, Katrina at the Cello will be as iconic an image as Akshay-Raveena in "Tu Cheez," the James Bond Gun Barrel sequence or Carrie in her tutu.

All of this leads to "Tu Muskura," the very same song for which Rahman fans have been asking endlessly. Sung effortlessly and sensually by Alka Yagnik and Javed Ali, this song has a perfect composition and astounding lyrics. Alka Yagnik can add this to her Hits Of list along with "Yeh Silsila Hai Pyaar Ka," "Barso Ke Baad" and "Paalki Mein Hoke Sawaar Chali Re." Allah Rakkhha Rahman is Ms. Yagnik's best composer and she will touch your soul with her revolutionary rendition. The cello is the third star of this number (hence the above paragraph) and it haunts you with its Godliness. I legit listen to "Tu Muskura" at least three times a day. 10/10.

Also is worth mentioning is the fact that this is the first time Ms. Yagnik will be singing for Ms. Kaif. I always like to point out the debut of a certain playback singer as the voice of an actress. Like when Sunidhi Chauhan first sang for both Kajol and Madhuri Dixit (Fanaa, Aaja Nachle respectively), it was note-worthy because here you have a modern singer, used to singing for struggling actresses who think their big break is starring in "Mind-Blowing Maahiya" and she's singing for two old-school, mature, successful, gorgeous women (let's be real here, they're cougars). It's quite awesome, I will not lie. Same goes for the Yagnik/Kaif pairing. A great match!

After "Tu Muskura," the next song is called "Mastam Mastam." This song has some of the most original music in Rahman's repetoire, yes, even beating "Shakalaka Baby" and "Meherbaan, Meherbaan". The music is festive, giving an Indian rhythm and melody a European twang. Sung very well by Nigam, Yagnik, Benny Dayal (from "Tu Hi Toh Meri Dost Hai") and Naresh. This song, though long, is absolutely enjoyable. 8.5/10.

"Zindagi" comes next and it is a very thoughtful, soulful number. Even though "Dost" and "Tu Muskura" are my favorites from the score, this song has a special place in my heart because I never seem to expect it (thanks to being sandwiched by two lavish numbers). It's quiet, hummable, and very 2nd level Koreatown (under-the-radar). Srinivas's performance is stellar. And Gulzar's lyrics are poignant. Rahman at his best. 9.5/10.

The next song is "Dil Ka Rishta" and it tells of an amnesiac who falls in love with the man who accidentally killed her husband in the same drunken accident that took her memory. Oh, no, wait, that's the drama that both starred and was produced by Aishwarya Rai Bachchan! Sorry, sorry, sorry. The song is a grand, passionate song that includes Sonu Nigam, in a full throated performance, Roop Kumar Rathod, Rahman, Clinton Cerejo (husband or brother to Dominique Cerejo, singer of "Yeh, Tumhaar-Meri Baatein" from Rock On!!), Suzanne D'Mello and, of course, Vivenne Pocha. Nigam and Rathod are the main singers, and everyone else provides stellar background vocals. However, the lyrics and the music are little over-the-top. They're just too...whiny? It'll probably look better on screen. 7/10.

"Mannmohini Morey" is next and this is a very short, classical number. Vijay Prakash provides some stellar, stellar, exceptional classical singing. Rahman uses Indian classical music for the first time as a major player in the song and this song is fantastic. Gulzar's lyrics are again excellent. 8/10.

Finally, the album ends with a remix of "Shano, Shano." It doesn' have anything new to offer, just like the "Pappu Can't Dance" remix. Rahman, sir, remixes are not your forte! 5/10.

I highly, highly, highly suggest you find the Yuvvraaj score and listen to it all the time like I do. If anything, download "Tu Muskura," "Zindagi" and "Tu Hi Toh Meri Dost Hai." Allah Rakkhha Rahman is the best composer of Bollywood and he never ceases to amaze, bewilder and touch us. Yuvvraaj rates a 64/80.

An Open Letter to Priyanka Chopra

Dearest Priyanka Chopra,

I respect you as an actress. You take your craft seriously and yet you have fun with it. Ever since you won the battle between yourself and Lara Dutta with the masterly Aitraaz, you earned your place as a serious actress and each of your performances after that made sure you kept that place.

So what, in God's name, are you doing in Drona? You already did the superhero gig before in Krrish and you were the best thing about that production, too (fortunately for you, Jadoo was mysteriously missing otherwise he would have upstaged you--no offense). What inspired you to sign your soul away to this Goldie Behl-directed mess? Come on, Piggy Chops, this is kind of role made for lesser heroines like the aforementioned Lara or Isha Koppikar (oh, yeah, Isha was probs busy with her Rajshri film--what's that about?). Was it the chance to flex your muscles and fight some villains again after Don and after being snubbed of such glory in Krrish? If that was the case, then I forgive you. No other actress in our generation is an action heroine (well, except for the Shilpsters--omg, you two should do an action movie together!)

You should have known that Drona would be a lame pile of...bhegan ka bhartha when you saw Abhishek Bachchan as the lead character. Abhishek, who looks no more like a superhero than Turtle, is a flop of an actor. Okay, I had my days where I thought he was the cat's meow. But those were the Golden Age of Abhishek, c. 2004-2006 (KANK, Bluffmaster, Kuch Naa Kaho, Guru, Sarkar, Dhoom series). But after this time period, Baby Bachchan just became a loser. I can't point out just how I suddenly started hating him. I know JBJ was a factor...maybe it was when he married Ash? Yes, that's it. Believe me, 'Yankers, I'm not jealous. I'm just annoyed that he could dare marry someone so far above his level of attractiveness. Clearly, Ash needs to be with someone with an equal amount of sex appeal (coughhrithikroshancoughcough). Seeing you (looks and talent) with him (no looks, no talent), my dear Ms. Chopra, is like seeing Patrick Wilson with...with...well, anyone since he is on a different plane altogether.

I can tell you, sugar cakes, that whenever you were not onscreen, I was B-O-R-E-D out of my mind! The story was just not engaging. The story of a neglected and taunted orphan finding out that he is, indeed, part of something greater than his yesterday seems a little Rowlingish...and a little like every story written in the history of orphanic literature. What makes the Harry Potter series different is that it has enough of a personality to support its cliches and enough originality to keep it running for seven novels and eight films. Drona has none of that, however.

Okay, forget the orphan part of the movie. Even the main plot is dry and uninspired. Aditya, played superbly awful by Baby Bachchan, has to find the immortal nectar before magician/demon Riz Raizada does. Raizada is played by KK Menon, an actor I used to respect before I realized that he is just as attention-grabbing as Abhishek. Everything about his performance is "look-at-me" which is an acting crime you don't commit, Priyanka, I swear to you.

Even when Jaya Bachchan is onscreen, in a cameo as Aditya's real mother, I longed for your prescence. Though it's always nice to see Mrs. B in a film, sometimes I wish she had retired way back in 2003 after her glorious turn as Jenny in KHNH. One thing I didn't understand is Jaya plays a queen but of what? Of India? Narnia? Also, the scene where she is turned to stone is actually funny because she watches the grey smoke stuff coming toward her from Riz Raizada but doesn't move. Also is funny how Aditya insta-grows affection for his mother after knowing her for all of two hours. Looove it! While you can pull off McDonalds style love (fast), and you do in this film, the Bachchans are not so lucky.

Now, I know that you had nothing to do with this music. But I have to tell you: the music is just awful. Barring Oop Oop Cha, which at least has an interesting beat and video, the other songs are such snooze-fests! The love song, for which I imagined a very-stylized video, shows the two of you riding on a horse. Romantic. And that song, which is kind of nice but a little boring, is cut to just the chorus. But all the other songs are played in full and they go on and on and on and on!

If I had to pick some positives for Drona, it'd have to be costumes (specifically yours) and your fights. You are a such a rock star, Piggy Chops, I hate to see you wasting away in thankless roles like this. You deserve better than a movie where the best song is called Oop Oop Cha. Drona, my chicken dumpling, gets a 3.5/10 and all three and a half of those points go to you.

Oh, God, tussi great ho, Priyanka Chopra. Pick films that deserve to have you in their cast.

Much love and support,
Manish M. Mathur