And Boom Goes the Dynamite

I have unfinished reviews for the soundtracks of Dostana and Yuvvraaj and I will get those done but this is more pressing. Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi is SRK's new film, directed by the man who made the classic DDLJ and the only slightly inferior Mohabbatein, Aditya Chopra. Yes, AdiChops is bringing us a third directorial venture no less than eight years later. I was excited for it. I'm not SRK's biggest fan but I do like him in his element and not as a firefighter/construction worker. The female lead was supposed to be the lovely Sonam Kapoor but she was replaced by newcomer Anushka Sharma, who is now celebrating her graduation from middle school. Just kidding but she is younger than I am. Music is by Salim-Sulaiman by whom the Chopras swear but I don't know why. Their music is average and must be lifted by the visuals or choreographer Vaibhavi Merchant (by whom I swear). The lyrics are by Jaideep Sahni.

The first track is "Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai" and the title itself is boring. I guess I can be found guilty of referring to celebrities as heavenly beings. But this unbearable song is one of those love songs where the guy lathers praise on the girl and assigns her to be his everything (no pressure). S-S give this song standard dholak/flute music. Roop Kumar Rathod sounds listless. What bothers me is that Mahalakshmi Iyer does some background vocals and she's not even credited! Not a good opening. 5/10.

The next song is perhaps the most interesting of them all. "Haule Haule" features Sukhwinder Singh singing about how slowly he's falling in love. To say that this is the best of RNBDJ isn't saying much. Yet again we have a male solo dedicated to praising Ms. Sharma. What of her perspective? S-S provide music that's at least of this decade, the lyrics are semi-fresh but Singh's rendition did what Rathod should have done in the previous track--have emotion whilst singing. (It's not that hard Roop!) "Haule Haule" rates an 8/10.

Dearest readers, this next song is SO BAD that I would gladly listen to a disaster called "Oop Oop Cha" anytime than listen to "Dance Pe Chance". This Sunidhi Chauhan solo is so banal, I can't even comprehend the lyrics. Or the idea behind it. SRK finally plays his age so maybe the pubescent Anushka Sharma is trying to show him how to be hip with this clubby dance track from 2004. Also annoying is that Labh Janjua ("Pyaar Karke Pachtaaya" from Pyaar Ke Side/Effects) gets a singing credit. Is this a duet? No! He does background. "Dance Pe Chance" is the worst song of the year. 3/10. I love you, Sunidhi.

"Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte" is a Sonu Nigam solo and only he can stop you from hitting the skip! button. The lyrics of this song are literally a mishmash of lines from older songs. It's not a remix, just an original composition (still not from this year) with lyrics from such classics as "Badan Pe Sitaarein Lapete Hue" or "Dard-e-Dil, Dard-e-Jigar" or "Jai Jai Shiv Shankar". Just because it might be better on screen, I'll give this one a 5/10.

Shreya Goshal delivers a reprise of "Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai" and it is no more interesting than Roop Kumar Rathod's rendition. Finally, though, Anushka Sharma's character gets some song-acting to do. For that reason and for Shreya's earnest rendition, this two minute number gets a 5.5/10.

The last song on this album (did I age 3 years? No, it just felt like it) is an instrumental remix of all the songs. This one at least holds your attention. 5.5/10.

This album is a sorry comeback for as great a director as AdiChops. Maybe he's lost his touch or maybe his touch is just what this album needs. I'm sure we'll all be swept away by SRK's charm and the compelling love story RNBDJ will turn out to be. But at this point in my life, I'm just looking for some DDLJ mp3s. The album gets a 33/60. Best song: "Haule Haule" but download "Dance Pe Chance" also just for kicks.

PS - I couldn't even listen to songs while writing the review. Don't worry, I sat through it 2.5 times today.